protension | Private Court Thread

Private Court Thread

[ There aren't a lot of empty places around the Court, and definitely not many good ones to lock up victims to torture without being overhead. That's the only thing that has kept Kitae even remotely safe, and even then safe is a subjective term... None of his bones have been broken (yet), though he has been hit several times. The bruises on his body that were finishing the healing process are now going to replaced by a new set thanks to Insik.

Insik... Kitae glances at Insik pacing across the small floorspace of the abandoned hut he'd managed to find. It won't be adequate for long, and Kitae can only imagine that Insik plans to drag him back to Seoul. He doesn't know how easy that would be to do, but he doesn't want to stick around in this shack long enough to find out.

It's been a long, long night from having been ambushed by Insik, to having been dragged here. He can't imagine it'll be too much longer until the sun is up, and he knows that the following day will be the best chance he has to get away and get help. Insik didn't want him around people, which means Kitae needs to put himself smack dab in the middle of the largest crowd he can find.

There are people at Court who are stronger than any human has the right to be, and those people are the desperate hope that Kitae clings on to as he glances between Insik and the door while he bides his time. ]

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[ The warehouse really was a sanctuary compared to a place like this. It was secluded, quiet, and decrepit enough on its own to ward away people without Insik having to leave the safe confines of it. This place is pathetic compared to what he's used to, and the constant sound of people nearby going about their nights has Insik on edge constantly. He's definitely more agitated than he usual is, which is an impressive feat for someone who spends a lot of time slingshotting from agitation and back again at the drop of less than a hat.

He does the same here, of course, but he never quite settles down properly; he's been pacing for hours and hours now, chewing on the edges of his nails to try to settle himself down.

It doesn't work. Nothing does. He hates it here, and he absolutely plans to take Kitae back to the safety of Seoul. He just needs to wait until sundown again, to give them both enough time to get the hell out of here without Insik melting into a puddle on the way.

He doesn't watch Kitae as he paces, but he's always acutely aware of him, glancing over to him every now and then during his paces. ]

I'll break your spine.

[ Directed to Kitae, but he doesn't bother looking at him. He knows Kitae is watching the door, waiting for his chance to escape, but it isn't going to happen. ]

[ By all means, melt into a puddle in the sunlight. Kitae would welcome the permanent disappearance of Kang Insik. Someone like Insik shouldn't exist anymore. Whatever happened to him to make him this way... he should have just died. It would have been kinder not only to Kitae, but to Insik as well.

It wasn't like the boy had much going for him beyond money before anyway, but at least he wasn't... this. Whatever the hell this is now? This isn't the Insik that Kitae used to pick on, and this thing shouldn't exist. It shouldn't. It's not Kitae who deserves to suffer, it's this thing!

... But no matter how many times Kitae vehemently chants this in his head he can't help the self hatred that creeps through all the fear.

The fear, however, is what has him snapping his gaze to the floor without a word. He knows what the threat was about, and he doesn't want it to become a promise. ]

[ Without Kitae, Insik had an entire life ahead of him. He was going to get 100s on his CSAT, and he was going to get into the best university money could send him to, and he was going to make a difference. He worked hard to balance his studies between being mercilessly beaten by Kitae and forced to do Kitae's work for him. He had plans for himself, and all he needed was to wait out Kitae's torment for just a little longer. A little longer, and he'd never, ever have to see this stupid, ugly face again.

But the thing about plans? They're just plans. They aren't predictions, they're not realities, they're just stupid little roadmaps inside your head about what you hope to one day maybe achieve. Insik planned to make something of himself, but he didn't. Kitae plans to escape, but he won't. Plans don't mean a thing.

He goes back to ignoring Kitae, chewing on his thumb. The nail is already gone, and he gnaws directly on his own skin. ]

What time is it?

Night time.

It's not dark enough.

There's more lights here.

[ He doesn't stop pacing, and purposefully ignores Kitae. ]

[ Crazy... he's as crazy as ever with his obsessive habits. He could chew his own thumbs to the bone though and they'd stitched themselves up in seconds. Kitae's seen it before, and it horrified him then. He doesn't particularly want to witness it again, so he averts his gaze to his own hand. His pinky finger that's been mangled and twists at an unnatural angle, and doesn't bend correctly anymore.

Kitae's own hands don't heal with the same speed or accuracy that Insik's do.

Kitae in general doesn't heal the same way, which is why even though he wants to speak up and rub it in Insik's face that daybreak will probably hit in an hour or less, he stays quiet. He doesn't want to die, he just wants to get out of this in one piece.

He doesn't want his old life back. He never particularly cared for his old life in the first place. Even though there were people he loved in it, and things that were important to him, he was miserable overall. That's why he decided to make Insik miserable too, right? Maybe... He can't remember all his reasons now. It seems so stupid now.

Insik was cute, so Insik got tormented. What sort of juvenile bullshit was that? What the hell was Kitae thinking? He was angry at Insik, but he never wanted Insik to hate him the way that Insik ended up despising him. What kind of idiot has such poor impulse control that even the smallest flareup of anger causes him to lash out like that?

Ah, that's right. Kitae. That's what kind of idiot.

He pulls his knees close to himself, and leans his cheek against the top of them as he continues to stare quietly at the floor.

Day time... it'll be day time soon. It's still too dark for Kitae's taste right now. ]

[ If Insik feels any pain at all from mindlessly chewing through the pads of his thumbs, he doesn't show it, and it wouldn't be the first time he's chewed them down to the bone. Though even then at that time, he didn't notice it either, and by the time he'd bothered to actually check, they'd knit themselves back together. Like his head that time he cracked it open, like his spine that time he split it in half... The convenience of being a vampire is only outweighed by the crippling loneliness and regret for everything that Insik can never do now or risk death or exposure. He can never sit his entrance exam, never take classes, can never hold down a job for any substantial period of time...

There's really nothing left for him to do. He only has Kitae to focus on, and Kitae is the only thing he ever has running through his head to distract himself from his own inescapable misery.

So, focus he does. Intently, and obsessively. ]

When the daytime hits...

[ He looks at the roof of the hut, like he can see the sky through it somehow. ]

What?

Break his ankles?

No, his hand didn't heal properly.

He'd have to be carried back.

I don't want to touch him.

I know.

[ He goes quiet for a moment, looking back at Kitae from the corner of his eye, and doesn't seem any happier after having seen him. ]

He's feeling sorry for himself again.

[ With attempts at sleep not going very well anyway, Suah just decided to get up early to walk around. A little bit before sunrise, but she's an active person anyway - usually, at least - and there's enough people already getting started on their early morning business that it doesn't feel all that weird to her to go around outside, just aimlessly walking or jogging a little to try and get rid of all the negative feelings her encounter with Kitae before left with her. Usually she would have thought that she should at least make the best out of her stay here if it's only temporarily, but all of Suah's usual spirit seems to have left her for the moment.

Until she hears something she never expected to hear. Not in this place, not even back home.. Kitae wasn't the only one who had disappeared, after all. But despite the words sounding a little manic, like someone talking to themselves, Suah still very much recognizes that voice, even though it's only at the volume of a mumble. Insik..

It's only now that Kitae's words about Insik being the one who made him disappear really get through to her again. In the moment she was too thrown off by Kitae's utter and complete rejection of her presence that she didn't have more than a moment to linger on it, but at the slightest hint of Insik's voice all the thoughts come right back. It isn't as if she'd doubt what Kitae said, but.. really? Insik of all people? She doesn't really personally have any negative thoughts about the other, but it's just an objective fact that Insik didn't really seem like someone with the kind of strength and backbone needed to kidnap someone and--

God, she's not even going to think about the video and its implications. Not now.

But there's no way Suah can deny the familiarity of that voice regardless, especially as she can hear it a little clearer when she gets closer to the shacks out here. It's a little hard to make out what exactly he's talking about since it's such an odd conversation - with himself? - but after a moment she realises that Kitae must be there with him. Who else would he be talking about?

If she were the kind of person to keep grudges, she should just get away right now and pretend she never heard any of this. Kitae told her he was done with her, so why should she bother to help him out now, right? He was being a huge asshole, blaming her for stuff she couldn't help, but.. she can't help but want to help him anyway. Suah has always had a hard time keeping long grudges - even helping Kitae bully Insik had never been a personal thing, and she might even have picked Insik off the ground once or twice after Kitae already walked off. It had always just been about trying to keep Kitae happy even with his shitty circumstances, Insik had just been a casualty in the middle of that. Less important.

It makes it hard for her to feel real fear about this situation. She probably should with what Insik somehow must have been able to do to Kitae, but Suah is both too impulsive to feel fear and can't shake off her mental image of how harmless Insik had always been anyway. It makes it hard to feel afraid at just the idea of him.

So there's little hesitation. Suah just moves right over to the shack's door, pounding her fist against it. ]

Hey!

[ Her hands shoot towards the doorknob. She has no idea if the door is open or not, but she ought to at least give opening it a try. She'll try and kick it in if she has to. ]

[ Threats like this aren't out of the usual for Insik, but they don't get any less horrifying each time Kitae hears them. He tenses up, staring at Insik's hand now. He won't look him in the eye... he tries not to whenever possible, because he knows what Insik can do to him. For a few, blissful moments he might not be in pain or hurt anymore, but the horror of the things he's done after Insik lets go of his hold on Kitae never, ever make the momentary escape worth it.

Still, if Insik doesn't want Kitae to mope then Kitae doesn't want to look like he's moping. He doesn't know what he can do to convince Insik not to break his ankles, because Insik is too unpredictable, but he does know that his heart is hammering in his chest at the realization that even though it sounds like Insik is talking himself out of it, the possibility exists that he could be unable to walk very, very soon.

He curls his fingers towards his palm as best he can, protective of the disfigured finger that Insik left him with.

That is... up until he hears a banging on the door, and his hand slaps against the floor as he twists around to stare at it in shock. He doesn't move from his spot, and isn't trying to anger or frustrate Insik right now, but he can't help the involuntary-- ]

Suah?!

[ When he recognizes the voice.

Then a second, louder one when he realizes that hope he'd been ready to give up on might not be gone after all. ]

Suah!!

[ It's better for Kitae to stay silent and try to seem nonthreatening than to try to beg or bargain with Insik. Insik has never had a single ounce of empathy for this person sitting terrified on the floor, and he isn't about to start now just because they haven't seen each other for a while, and Kitae has a bit more of a spine than he usually would back in the hopeless warehouse.

Still, with every fibre of his being, Insik hates Kitae, and Kitae trying to bargain his way out of having his ankles broken would only make Insik want to break his ankles. There's no better ideas in the world than ideas Kitae is wholly against. Spite will never not feel good to throw into Kitae's ugly face.

He continues to pace up until Suah begins to bang on the door, and freezes in place where he stands. He wasn't actually expecting anyone to come looking for a monster like Kitae. They never came looking for him when Kitae would leave him curled up on the bathroom floor trying to gather the strength to get up and walk back to his empty house. Who would come looking for somebody like this?

He comes to his senses quickly, more panicked than he's been in a long time, and launches to Kitae, slamming into him with force and wrapping an arm around his head, covering his mouth. Holy shit, there's no person in the world he wants to see less than he wants to see Kang Suah. He used to go out of his way for the sole purpose of catching sight of her profile as she sped off down the hall at school, but that feels like another lifetime, and there's nothing else now that fills him with as much abject horror.

He's ashamed of this thing Kitae turned him into. He doesn't want Suah of all people to see him like this.

So he covers Kitae's mouth after the damage is already done, hoping that once Suah finds the door locked, she'll go away. It's just Kitae. It isn't like there's anything worth saving in this room. ]

[ It's there that Insik is wrong, stuck in his own ideas about Kitae. Because if there's anything Suah is, it's extremely determined to go for something once she's set her sights on it - and loyal to the bone to her friends, even if they can be (more than) a little unpolished like Kitae. There's no way she'll abandon him here. The damage is indeed already done, she's already heard his voice and knows for sure it's both Insik and Kitae in there, which means she has absolutely no reason to back down now. Kitae was blaming her for not being there when Insik had kept him somewhere? Well, she's going to damn well show him now then just how many shits she gives about this - which is a lot.

It's why there's a moment of nothing after Insik covered up Kitae's mouth like that and Suah is done trying to shake the doorknob as much as she can in an attempt to get the door open, but then the silence is broken by another pound on the door. And then another. This could be a suicidal mission for all she knows if Insik really is suddenly supposed to be dangerous, but it doesn't matter. Suah seems determined to somehow get in anyway instead of leaving the two boys there alone.

There's a small pause between pounds, and then there's something heavier hitting the door - probably a kick. Suah doesn't think she's strong enough to just open the door like that, but she at least has to try. ]

Yah! Kang Insik!

[ She's talking hard enough to practically be yelling just to make sure she's being heard inside there, but there's nothing necessarily threatening about her voice despite it. If anything her tone is more exasperated, because this whole situation if Insik really did cause all of this is just.. stupid. An escalation to ridiculous levels just because Kitae can be a moron sometimes and Insik lacked a backbone for too long. It'd be laughable if it wasn't so terrible and hadn't caused her enough nights of heartache already. ]

I know you're in there! Do you think I'm a moron? [ Because sounding more crazed than before or not, she'd still recognize his voice at the very least. And it only makes sense after hearing Kitae's voice too. And if Insik is in charge in there, it would probably help more to call out to him than to Kitae. ]

I'm not going anywhere until you open this door!

Edited 2016-12-24 17:36 (UTC)

[ The situation would be kind of laughable if it wasn't so awful. If Insik hadn't physically and sexually abused Kitae every waking moment of his miserable existence it'd be something to sigh in exasperation over. What Kitae did to Insik was truly heinous, and the desire for revenge makes sense, but it doesn't make it right. What Insik did to Kitae in return was every bit as heinous, and heartache was the least of Kitae's worry.

He can't be upset at Suah for feeling exasperated about all of this, however, not when she's actually here, right on the other side of that door, trying to save him.

Kitae wants to scramble towards her, to fling open the door, grab her arm, and run as fast as he can away from Kang Insik, but he can't. While Insik holds onto him like this, a hand clamped firmly over Kitae's mouth, all Kitae can do is squirm in Insik's hold looking desperately at the door in front of them.

Can she actually break it down? There's no way, right? But what can Insik do about it? If he breaks down a wall to get them out he'll still expose them both, and Kitae knows Suah. She won't give up that easily. It's too close to daybreak for Insik to get far either.

Kitae's heart hammers in his chest as this all flits through his head. A rescue... an actual, honest to God rescue from this bastard Insik for the first time since someone came to steal him away from the warehouse and bring him to Court in the first place. ]

[ Insik's ideas about Kitae are so solidly ingrained in his head that the fact that Kitae was only an awful person to him holds no water to him. How could Kitae be tolerable to anyone when all he ever gave Insik was mountains of anxiety and fear. But it also just hurts to think that Kitae had so many friends supporting him when his main method of entertainment was beating Insik into the floor.

It sucks. It sucks that people will chase Kitae down to the ends of the earth and beyond, but nobody ever offered him the same kind of assistance.

But Insik has something else to focus on now. Focusing intently on how much he can't stand Kitae makes it so much easier to swallow the despair he feels over his wasted life and total unfair treatment. Thinking of Kitae as something other than human makes him feel much less like he was abandoned by his classmates. Kang Insik is long dead now though, and all the unfairness of his life is something he left behind in favor of just being angry and taking it out on Kitae so it feels justified.

He shies away from the door a little more with every one of Suah's bangs; he doesn't want to face her, but more importantly, he doesn't want Suah to see him. He doesn't want her memory of Kang Insik to be the monster that Kitae turned him into, and something in his chest seizes at the thought of Suah seeing him now.

And even though he's the one in control here, even though he's stronger than Kitae and Suah combined, her voice makes him almost loosen his grip on Kitae, faltering slightly in his strangle hold. ]

[ Maybe this is impossible. She doesn't know how Insik managed to keep Kitae captive for so long before - since apparently that's what happened, according to Kitae. Maybe this time it's a similar deal here, maybe they have food inside and whatever else they need to be able to stay in there for much longer than Suah could keep up staying here at this door until she'd get hungry or need to sleep. It doesn't seem like she's going to be able to bash the door in at the very least.

But that thought doesn't stop her. It's Suah, after all. Very little stops her, especially when it's something as important as this. Even if she has to stand here in front of this door all day, she will. It's not like she has anything better to do here in Court, after all, and at the very least she is 100% sure that those two guys are right behind this door, inside this shack.

So no matter how quiet Insik is being and no matter how quiet he's keeping Kitae for now, the banging on the door doesn't stop. Suah just keeps kicking and hammering with her fists on the door, alternated with an occasional "open up!", and finally putting all that energy she has inside of her to a good use. ]

[ It isn't fair. It's not that Kitae isn't deserving of people who love him and want to help him, that isn't the unfair part. As horrible as Kitae can be, and he can be to more people than just Insik (even if Insik got the worst of it), he is just as capable of love and loyalty as anyone else. No, the unfair part in all of this is that Insik never got the same unconditional love that Kitae got. Insik never, ever should have suffered the way he did for the injustices lobbed at Kitae himself. He deserved to be cherished, and surrounded by people who cared about him. Kitae targeted him, and in doing that made everyone else at school draw back from him in fear of suffering the same fate. As unfair as how Kitae was treated in his own home, and as unjust as what happened to Kitae at Insik's hand afterwards was, Kitae still was one of the worst things to ever happen to Insik, and while the retribution is disproportionate, it is hard to blame Insik for his hatred and disgust.

It isn't hard to blame him for what he's put Kitae through, however. At least, Kitae doesn't have a hard time blaming him.

The minute that Insik's hold on his falters Kitae wastes no time grabbing Insik's hand and ripping it away from his own face. ]

SUAH!!

[ The urgency and desperation in his voice rings out clearly. He pushes forward towards the door. He's not as fast as Insik, but he wants to get to the door somehow and open it up for her. He wants her to grab his hand and pull him out. In his state of frantic hope it almost seems like if he just lets Suah grab his hand that he'll be safe. It's an irrational thought, but he's desperate for anything right now. ]

[ Of course Suah wouldn't just give up hearing Insik's silence and forced-silence inflicted upon Kitae. Suah has never been the kind of girl who would just throw in the towel when something ahead of her got in her way--hell, that's most of the reason Insik was so enamoured with her in the first place. She doesn't just give up in the face of bleakness, she powers through and kicks bleakness' ass.

And right now, she's going to power through the thin door that keeps them apart no matter what it takes. There's no way she's going to leave quietly and give up before she gets Kitae back, and that's what terrifies him so much. Kang Suah isn't going to leave without Kitae, and Insik can't leave without Kitae... so Kang Suah is going to break in here, and see what it is that Insik became...

He lets go of Kitae. Doesn't even bother to go after him. Having Kitae is one thing, but being exposed by Suah is another. He can't let her of all people see what happened to him. Anyone else but her.

While Kitae surges for the door, Insik heads the other way. Suah can have him, he will find a way to get Kitae back eventually. ]

[ At least she knows there's worse things she could be hearing from inside than silence. If it's silent, then at least Insik isn't doing something to Kitae (although the very thought of that still feels ridiculous, given the way she remembers Insik being - the thought it could happen at all is only given life in her mind by Kitae) since there's no way that could happen that silently. And as long as Kitae is still alive, there's still hope she can somehow get some sense into both of the boys' heads.

The moment she hears Kitae's voice though, Suah quickly reacts to it. It doesn't seem like Insik is very inclined to listen to what she's asking him here, so she might as well try to get some information out of Kitae instead about what's going on there while the other is speaking, even as she's still banging on the door. ]

Kitae-- can you open the door?!

[ In his desperation Kitae hasn't even noticed that Insik let him go. He should have, especially because in a normal situation the only reason that Insik would have let Kitae go was because he knew that he could let him have a moment of hope before dashing it completely.

A small voice in the back of Kitae's mind reminds him of this fact though, and that vague feeling that this could all end in more tears as Insik drags him off makes Kitae that much more frantic to escape while he can.

He fumbles with the lock on the door. It should be so easy to open, but he's a bundle of nerves right now, and doing a pretty piss poor job actually getting it unlocked. ]

I'm trying!

[ It takes three attempts to get his sweaty fingers around the lock and twist it open, and another couple of seconds to grab the doorknob, and jerk the door open with all his might. ]

[ Insik is already gone. He doesn't have much left anymore, but he'll protect what happened to him with what "life" he's got left.

He strongarms his way out the back of the hut; the tingling burn of morning slowly approaching is nothing compared to what he'd feel if he actually showed himself to Suah. There's no way in hell he's letting Suah see him the way he is now. ]

[ The moment the door opens, Suah doesn't really think - it's all instinctive actions. No matter what Kitae said to her before in this place, the first thing she does is latch onto the other boy, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him so close to herself she's practically squishing him even with the height difference.

She doesn't lose herself in the relief of knowing Kitae seems more or less alright right away though, quickly peering into the hut to find Insik just in case he somehow did get dangerous and could do something...

... but there's no one else there. Not the Insik she remembers, and no other Insik either. Almost as if Kitae just locked himself into a shed without anyone else involved if it wasn't for the fact she really did hear something that sounded like Insik's voice earlier. She hoped to find him to at least make him explain some of this, considering she's very likely to get a one-sided version of the story anyway with how Kitae feels about the boy, but.. he really is gone.

It makes her blink in confusion for a moment or two before she snaps out of it enough to check back on Kitae instead, looking the boy over to see if he's injured - still more or less running on the adrenaline of the moment. ]

Are you okay?

[ Kitae doesn't stop to check what Insik is doing even once. Even a moments hesitation could lead him to being dragged kicking and screaming away from Suah, and somewhere more isolated where he would have very little chance of actual escape. This opportunity for freedom is being handed to him on a silver platter, and he'll be damned if he's going to ruin it.

That is, he doesn't look back until Suah's got her arms around him. Caught up in the moment as he is, Kitae actually wraps his arms around Suah as well, holding her close for about a second, before he finally twists his head around to look back into the shack.

No Insik... but Kitae does spot were Insik shoved boards aside. They'd fallen partly back into place, but there's a gap letting in weak light to a building that was almost entirely dark before.

His heart hammers in his chest as his mind reels to come up with a reason for it. Insik could have grabbed them both easily, he didn't have to run. Was he scheming something? Was he letting Kitae really think he was safe before he zipped around the side of the building to grab them both?

With that thought in mind Kitae jerks back, but grabs onto Suah's wrist, trying to tug her away from the building. ]

No! We have to go!

[ Even though Suah doesn't exactly have a lot of time to check up on Kitae's current state with how frantic he's being right now, at least the fact he's still moving and talking means he's at least somewhat okay - and that's enough for the moment. Enough to at least not protest when Kitae tugs on her wrist or struggle against the grip, anyway.

Instead she just lets herself be dragged along, making sure to keep up with her part of the running - she's pretty athletic, so at least that isn't much of a problem. The only thing slowing her down is her glancing back a few times to see if Insik really isn't over there somewhere. (Not even really out of fear like Kitae, but maybe more something that edges closer to curiosity, wondering what could have happened to the boy to make him snap as badly as he had according to Kitae's story.)

There's nothing to be seen though, and so she instead turns back to Kitae as they move. ]

Do you think he's still there? [ Considering he's so frantic to get away right now. ]

[ Kitae refuses to look back. If Insik comes at him he doesn't want to make eye contact, knowing that Insik can freeze him in his place. If Insik comes at him it doesn't matter anyway, there's no way he's going to be able to escape. So he might as well continue to give himself a little hope that he'll actually escape by only looking forward.

Even when Suah asks him all he can do is shake his head. He doesn't know, and he doesn't want to find out. He hopes he is... or maybe he hopes that he's run somewhere far away. He doesn't know why Insik would, but he hopes that's the case still. He never, ever wants to see that face again. ]

[ Well.. she probably won't get a full answer out of Kitae right now, but at least it's understandably so this time. If all of that stuff with Insik did happen, and if Insik had managed to keep Kitae captive again, then it's only logical Kitae would want to get the hell out of there.

Not that it means she knows on how long he's planning to run, but.. whatever. She's in good shape thanks to always playing sports, she could probably keep up running longer than Kitae himself could. So Suah grows silent for a moment, just letting Kitae drag her to wherever he feels safer. (Although she definitely does look back while running a few times - just to make sure.) ]

[ Suah could definitely outrun Kitae. He's not in good shape, he wasn't before he was kidnapped, and it only got worse after being kept locked up for months at a time. Even his time at Court hadn't actually done much to get him back in any type of halfway decent health. The only thing that's keeping him going right now is the intense fear that drives him forward past the pain in his legs and lungs.

He does finally stop running once they've made it back to a more populated area, slowly to a jog, a finally a complete stop. Now that they're not running for their (Kitae's) lives (life) he's going to take a moment to lean forward, wheezing heavily as he tries to get oxygen back into his lungs.

God... he really is out of shape. ]

[ At least exhaustion isn't really a problem for Suah here. She can obviously read it off Kitae though - his whole body seems to scream exhaustion, especially when he starts slowing down.. It's easy to catch onto those signs, especially when you're a type as active and sporty as Suah is. But she just slows her own pace as well, making sure to stay just a little bit behind Kitae the whole time - just in case.

And it also means she stops when he stops. Definitely without the lack of air problems, and something twists a little in her stomach to see Kitae this exhausted because of the running. It's not like she isn't aware she could outrun her best friends at least three with how she seems to run on thrice the amount of energy any normal being does, but this is even worse than usually. Worse than what she knows. Kitae looks like he might pass out, and even though it's not the worst problem ever (even if Insik did show up, she'd just throw Kitae onto her back and try to disappear into the crowd if Insik tried to take him again - no matter how ridiculous the sight would be with her and Kitae's height difference) but it still makes her feel bad.

Because it's still Kitae, but he's so broken and fragile-looking in a way that she always tried so hard to keep him from ever having to feel like.

She isn't even sure what to say for once (she knows Kitae enough to know he wouldn't want the pity), so instead she just turns her back on him for a moment to try and make sure she doesn't spot Insik's face among the crowd anywhere. ]

[ When he was living with his mom and the shitty man he was forced to call father things weren't healthy on an emotional level for Kitae, but he did get to eat three square meals a day, and exercised regularly. He wasn't the athletic type, and he never could best Suah at anything sporty, but he was in decent shape. After all the time he spent under Insik's control, however, he lost a lot of muscle and never ate as much food as he really needed.

Even being in Court for a few weeks hasn't been enough to really help him fully recover. At the very least he's eating better than he used to, but there was a lot of damage done that'll take a lot of time to repair.

It's upsetting that Suah is seeing him this weak though. He might not ever have been as athletic as her, but he as never pathetic like this before. He hates everything that Insik made him into. The bastard ruined Kitae's body in more ways than Kitae can count.

He takes one last shaky breath as he straightens up, and looks around them to decide if he wants to go back to his dorm or somewhere else. The dorm, at least, will be full of people. ]

Come on.

[ He sounds slightly calmer now, but still on edge and five seconds from breaking down. ]

[ It doesn't sound like Kitae will even make it that far - if not physically, then just plain emotionally. Not that she can blame the other with Insik really getting a hold of him again and all, but it means Suah isn't too sure if just walking there while Kitae sounds like he's about to lose it is the best idea.

And while she still doesn't feel anywhere close to okay about the way Kitae treated her earlier, Suah is the type that can shove that aside for the moment when there's a situation that's much more important. Like making sure Kitae doesn't get hurt.

So after glancing at him for a moment-- ]

.. Just step on. It'll be easier.

[ She gestures at her back to make it obvious what she's aiming at. Sure, Kitae is definitely taller than her, but he looks so thin right now that Suah doesn't even doubt she could carry him with a piggyback ride. She's always been strong anyway. ]

[ Suah always has, and probably always will be a much better person that Kitae is. She might be willing to turn a blind eye to someone's suffering if it's her friend that is causing that suffering, but it doesn't mean she goes out of her way to hurt people. She's also a hell of a lot more loyal than he is... he thought he was, but he turned on her and blamed her for things that weren't her fault.

He let himself believe everything Insik told him, even though he knew how insane Insik was. He let his hurt get the better of him, and he feels a strange mix of emotions right now about the situation, and about her in particular.

He doesn't know where to start with a conversation, but he knows he's not ready to have one until they're somewhere he feels safer. The dorm it is then...

For a brief moment he really does debate getting on her back. He doesn't have a lot of shame if it means keeping himself safe, but right now he decides that getting to a specific place is more important than just getting away, so he shakes his head and points in a vague direction to the right. ]

You don't know your way around here. Just follow me.

[ And fast, please. He's doesn't wanna stay here for long. ]

[ Suah's instinct is to get huffy - she's offering help here, after all, and even though giving help to Kitae would usually be normal, it's a little more difficult when he was so mean to her when they met before. And despite all of that, helping out Kitae does still feel pretty natural in a situation like this, she couldn't just leave him somewhere by himself for Insik to come and get him again right away. But she's definitely still going a little more out of her way than usually, and then he's just turning it down like that!

Even if it's for a logical reason, that doesn't matter. It still hurts her pride, and she frowns - almost pouts, but she at least stops herself from that at the last moment. Suah might be instinctive and emotional, sure, but she does know the occassion doesn't really allow much time for her to throw a fit.

Her hands form fists, nails digging into the palm of her hand, but she nods even while she's still frowning. ]

Fine then, just hurry already!

[ Even under normal circumstances where their relationship wasn't as strained as it is now, Suah probably wouldn't like Kitae treating her like this, would she? Ah well, it's not like Kitae has a lot of choice right now. He needs to get them to relative safety, because he doesn't know how long Suah's presence is going to actually manage to keep Insik at bay, and he doesn't want to find out.

He'll worry about trying to soothe her ego (maybe) later. Right now he just nods curtly, and walks quickly in the direction of the dorms. That's going to have the largest number of people at any given time probably. It's the safest place to be right now. ]

From here

[ Something about the response digs at Kitae in a way he didn't expect. Maybe it's the fact that he can never go home and enjoy the food there again. This is all he has now. Maybe it's the reminder that soon Suah will be leaving, and he'll be left without her again. He's not sure what it is, but he does know that it chafes.

So he huffs loudly and storms past Suah, looking through the stands until he sees a pastry that looks like something she might like, grabs a sample box, and storms back over before shoving it into her hands. ]

You're not leaving right away. Not eating is stupid. Just eat.

[ Things aren't not awkward, but at least this is more normal Kitae behavior. Well, maybe a little snipper with Suah than he used to be, but this is normal behavior for the current Kitae. The Kitae left over after Insik was done with him. ]

[ It's definitely at least a little more normal. Even if it's usually not this snippy, Kitae bringing her food isn't really anything new.. Especially with that sweet kind of thoughtfulness towards it in the choice of food, no matter that he doesn't say anything about it out loud - Suah already knows without him having to say a word. ]

... Okay.

[ She's not the type to reject it, anyway, since she doesn't really per se hold a grudge over Kitae's actions from before.. it's just awkward because it still stings a little. So she just holds the sample box with both hands. ]

Let's go sit down somewhere to eat. [ Because getting comfortable might be something small towards helping in making this less awkward. ]

[ She wouldn't be wrong to hold a grudge. If it was Kitae in her shoes he would... but then again, Suah isn't Kitae. Thank god for that too. Kitae's easily hurt, and very easily offended. It's not like he wouldn't have done the same thing (trying to break down the door to help Suah escape), but he'd definitely be less pleasant afterwards where as Suah is trying her hardest to make things okay between them again.

Suah has always been a better person than Kitae though... Kitae knows this, and he's known this for some time. She may be aggressive and in your face, but she's loyal, and better than he could ever hope to be.

He clicks his tongue as he looks around, not seeing any seats immediately around them. ]

Alright... this way.

[ He's just guessing at where they can find a free bench. He hopes he's right. ]

[ She's quick to move in the direction he's pointing out. At first they mostly just cross places full of people already, but the moment she spots an empty bench in the distance, Suah does perhaps the most high energy thing she's done all day (and therefore easily the most Suah-y thing) - she dashes right over to it and sits down on it, like she's trying to prevent anyone else than her and Kitae from claiming it before they can.

The high energy doesn't last for too long though. She doesn't wave wildly and call out to the other like she might have long ago, before any of this mess started. Instead she just sits there and waits, starting to pick a little at the box to try and get it open while avoiding eye contact with Kitae. ]

[ That's uncomfortable... for a brief moment seeing Suah as she usually is gives Kitae a vague sense that things may soon stop feeling uncomfortable and awkward between them, but almost immediately she goes back to being quiet and avoiding looking at him.

He really has no one but himself to blame for how strained things are between them now, but it still irks him a little. While Kitae might be a bright guy in a lot of ways he's also an idiot in others, and as far as he's concerned he's the only one that's supposed to be acting weird and quiet n this situation. After all, he was the one that got kidnapped and tortured!

With an annoyed sniff he strolls after her at a casual speed, and sits down next to her without looking at her. ]

Just open it up and eat it already.

I was going to!

[ It's a pretty direct answer - which is very Suah-y - although it's a little more.. well, not exactly biting, but it almost sounds a little more petulant. Like a kid that doesn't want to admit something. Because even though Suah really doesn't want to deal with this awkward situation and wants to just be happy that Kitae is safe for now and act like they always did.. At the same time she can't fully do that. No matter how forgiving she has always been of Kitae, what he said this time just really stung her a little too much. Not enough to abandon him or to not take care of him, but enough that she doesn't feel like she can just act normal.

Which is weird. She never feels this way, okay? Suah always just does whatever comes to mind first without any hesitation. Kitae is the only thing that's important enough to her that it could actually make things complicated for once.

To escape the feeling, she quickly fully opens the box and shoves the food into her mouth, turning towards Kitae with her cheeks a little puffy from the food she's chewing on, like she's trying to show him that she's eating just like he asked for, okay!!

It looks almost oddly comical for how awkward the situation is, but Suah is - if nothing - a girl of emotions and first instincts. ]

[ It's definitely comical. She looks like a chipmunk, and despite himself as soon as Suah turns to look at him and show him just how much she's eating right now, how she's the best at eating, Kitae actually lets out a snort of what could almost be mistaken for laughter.

Don't! Don't mistake it! He's not laughing! The current Kitae is dead inside, and definitely never feels anything like joy! It just doesn't happen!!

Only maybe a little sometimes... maybe he does find it kind of funny, though he's still cutting it short and clearing his throat to pretend it didn't happen at all. ]

[ It's odd. He's laughing again, just the way she was hoping so badly he'd laugh again, just like what she's used to... Just the way she hoped he would sound while telling her that everything he said was just a(n insensitive) joke, and everything would go back to normal.

But without that context, it feels a little bittersweet. Not enough to actually get mad in a way that'd mean she would explode, but more just in the way you're mad at your friends sometimes when they're being big huge morons. Which is something she's thought about Kitae multiple times in the past, but that moron side of him usually wasn't directed at her.

Kitae pushing people away, or at least making sure no one outside of his little circle would get too close, genuinely close? Sure, that sounds just like his moron self trying to protect himself. But pushing her away is just such a dumb move that hurts both of them and she knows it, enough that she finds her eyes oddly stinging all over again.

Suah shakes her head though, trying to get rid of the feeling cropped up in her chest that's causing it, and she uses one arm to push against Kitae's shoulder, shoving him a little. ]

Idiot.. you don't like things being awkward either.

[ And yet they're sitting here like this. A bunch of idiots. Something she realises very well, since Suah's tone sounds oddly tight, like she's keeping herself from full out crying and looking even more like a moron. ]

[ She's right, he hates when things are awkward. Forced conversations make his skin crawl, and he wants to run the minute an uncomfortable silence falls across him and a conversation partner, but at the same time he can't remember the last time that things weren't awkward for him. It feels like these days things are in a constant state of awkward for him.

He's changed a lot from when he last saw Suah, and he wonders if she realized how much he has. Some of that is his fault... a lot of that is his fault depending on how you look at it, but he's definitely not the same person that he used to be.

It shows in the way they can't interact the way they used to anymore, and the way that instead of chiding her and drawing her into a hug when it's clear she's on the verge of tears, all Kitae does now is clasp his own hands together and stare down at the ground by his feet contemplatively.

Still awkward. The laughter that barely started is already long gone. ]

Things are always awkward for me now. I'm used to it.

And you're just going to keep it that way? Even with me?

[ At least it doesn't sound as full on accusing as Suah could be - there have been times where he's flown completely over the lid during the smallest slights during matches, after all. But even with as impulsive as she can be, she knows that fully pushing Kitae into a corner here isn't going to help anything. They'll just end up flipping out at each other again, and that's the last thing she wants right now... Especially while she still isn't sure if Insik is still lurking around somewhere and planning on taking Kitae the moment she takes her eyes off him. ]

I...

[ Already having swallowed the food, Suah just takes to idly playing with the box a little, just to have something that can occupy her hands while she's thinking on what to say. ]

I'm not going to be here forever, you know. [ Different than Kitae, her time here is limited, she knows that much. ] And I don't want this to be what you remember.

[ Suah knows there's a lot of bad stuff that happened that she could only guess at, things she could never take out of Kitae's memory. But even though there's nothing she can do about that, at least when it comes to herself.. She doesn't want this to be the way Kitae remembers her. That grudge against her, the awkwardness now. How could she live with herself knowing that one of the most important people to her out there, her brother, felt that way every time he thought about her? That she was a dumbass, unable to help him even now?

That thought makes her eyes sting even more, but she presses on anyway. ]

I don't.. want you to hate me.

[ He doesn't know how to break out of it even if he wanted to. Friendship never came naturally to Kitae even before the mess with Insik, and it's even harder for him to open himself up and trust people now. Whether it was built on a lie or not, his trust with Suah was shattered. It's hard to rebuild it now. He wants to... he misses what he had with her, and he misses having someone he could feel safe being himself around, but it's so hard to reestablish that now that he's lost it.

What hurts the most is that at her confession he can feel the dull ache in his chest grow sharp. Kitae lowers his head so she can't see his face, and rubs the palm of his hand over his sternum as subtly as he can manage. He feels like he's about to cry right now, and he hates the small pang of resentment he feels that Suah is the reason for it.

He hates this. He hates himself for not being able to full forgive her and start again.

What is wrong with him?

Why is he so broken?

He doesn't know how to answer her questions, because he doesn't know if he'll ever feel at ease with someone again, not even with her. He'll probably never see her again once she leaves, and that crushes him. He wants her to stay there with him. He wants to rebuild what they had, or at least try to.

It's around that thought that the first tear starts to well up in his eye, and he raises his hand to his face to scrub it away quickly.

Kitae keeps his voice quiet when he finally answers. ]

I don't... I don't hate you.

[ It's not difficult to tell that Kitae is really trying to hide the fact that he's crying, or trying to stop it from happening in the first place. But Suah won't point it out at all - she won't even really pay a lot of attention to it, just sweeping it under the rug to avoid further awkwardness between the two of them right now.

The whole situation is already weird enough. Them sitting here like that, talking like they hardly know what to say. Why did something so over the top and out of this world have to happen that they went from what they were before to this?

She doesn't look at him, mostly to wordlessly say that she's not going to "notice" if he does cry or whatever, but she does speak up again. ]

But...?

[ Because it does feel like there's a "but" to this. If Kitae really didn't hate her and everything could go back to normal, they wouldn't be talking like this right now. Then Kitae wouldn't have acted the way he did when he first spotted her in this place. ]

There's no way back anymore.. Is that it?

[ It's a thought that really hurts. It's not as if things have been normal for her either back home, not for a long while.. She's grown more quiet too ever since Kitae disappeared, completely different from how she was before, even with other people. But Suah has always held a distant hope in her heart that maybe one day they'd find Kitae, and then it'd somehow all be alright - or at least get better. It's why she sometimes took a detour on her way home from school, just so maybe she could suddenly see him somewhere, why she kept checking news sites all the time just to see if he was mentioned anywhere.

But none of that is going to change anything. She knows that now, knowing what happened to Kitae - and where he is now. Nothing is going to change anymore. Those old days are just gone forever.

Suah can't help but fully tear up too, although she makes much less of an effort to hide it than Kitae does (none at all, really). ]

[ It's not true that Kitae hates her. He heaped misplaced anger at him, but he didn't hate her... he never hated her, but it was also true that things were never going back to the way they used to be. They couldn't, not after everything Insik had put Kitae through.

Kitae was already damaged long before Insik had ever stolen him away, but he was certainly functional. Now there were days that Kitae just barely got himself up in the morning and trudged his way through until night. He was safe from Insik here, or at least he was until recently, but he still found himself afraid of everything around him, and mistrustful of everyone.

What's worse, Kitae didn't even trust himself. Insik had killed everything Kitae had ever been able to even like about himself, and now... now he was left in a constant state of misery that Suah didn't deserve to be dragged into. He wasn't going to get better any time soon, and even if he started to learn to tolerate himself and the people around him again, Kitae still wasn't going to ever go back to being the same guy he used to be.

So he answers honestly for once. ]

For me... no, there isn't.

[ For Suah things would never exactly be the same either, but she could at least return to who she used to be. At least, Kitae imagined she could go home and still be as bright and highly competitive as always. She could find and make new friends, and she could move on with her life.

Kitae couldn't and wouldn't. He'd do his best to move forward, but it was going to be setting down a very different path than the one he'd been walking on before. ]

[ At first it's kind of a hard thought to understand. Suah has always bounced back from everything in her life. Even if she threw a fit after having lost a match or something, it was limited to a short burst of intense emotion before she just smoothed it over again. The idea of something making you unable to go back to how everything was before feels.. weird.

But she kind of understands it. Not just because she knows - much more than she'd want to, really - just how extreme Kitae's circumstances were, but also because Suah feels the same way right now as well. She hasn't been the same since that day Kitae disappeared, and it doesn't feel like she'll just be able to brush this off as well and go back to how she used to be in the future. Losing Kitae is the first thing that upset her world that badly, and the shock has changed her to a certain degree. Like the foundation was suddenly pulled out from under her life, and she doesn't know quite yet what to rebuild it on - and even if it'd be rebuilt, it wouldn't be the same.

So.. "for me", huh? Kitae really is an idiot if he thinks that Suah could just go back and smile and be loud like she has always been when most of her life was spent hanging around with him. As if she could forget all about him so easily. Idiot Kitae... ]

... I get it.

[ The tears that were forming in her eyes before are definitely falling now - although it's no kind of loud sobbing. She's just silently letting them drop, her throat feeling tight. ]

So we're just screwed.

[ As angry and bitter as he is about the perceived betrayal even now that he knows he was wrong this whole time, he doesn't want her to be affected by him this way. The Suah he knew before Insik ruined him is the Suah he loved and adored. it's not that under different circumstances he couldn't learn to love this new Suah who had been formed after his disappearance, but their relationship would never be the same as they were before everything that happened.

So yeah... it's true, it's not just him.

He hesitates for a moment, before lifting up his hand and dropping it on the top of her head. It doesn't feel natural the way this act used to, but it doesn't feel as awkward as he thought it would either. There's something almost comforting about it, like a ghost of familiarity creeps into the gesture.

But it's not strong enough to properly bring back a real feeling of nostalgia.

The words he tries to force out take a lot more work, however. ]

It's not like I'm an optimistic person or anything...

[ And he really never has been. ]

But I'm not as screwed as I was before at least. And at least you can tell people I'm not dead.

[ A small laugh through his nose. ]

If anyone else cares.

[ The touch of a hand on her head does feel stranger than all of their physical contact used to. Suah was so quick to jump onto Kitae and cling to him, to kiss him all over his face like it was nothing - she never thought much about it, all of it just came natural to her. But even though there's something vaguely comforting about the contact between the two of them now, it still definitely does feel.. off. Like it's just not the same as before.

And it will never be. It kind of hammers the point home even more. It's also what keeps Suah from instead getting determined to find a way to stay here or anything like that.. it wouldn't be the same anyway between the two of them. So then it doesn't matter whether they're apart or together.

Her tears are still silently dripping - Suah has always been too much of an emotional cannon to just stop them that easily. ]

Mom would think I'm crazy if I told her I went to some otherworldly place and saw you alive there.

[ The tears leave her voice softer than usually (especially by Suah standards) but at least she manages to force out the words with a very, very wry irony sort of amusement in them. ]

[ If Kitae could make things just like the were before he would do it in a heartbeat. He hates what happened to him, and no matter what good things he finds in his life in the future (assuming he even does), he would trade any of them away in an instant just to get back the life he used to have. He'd take back the alcoholic bastard he was forced to call father, and the timid useless waste of space of a mom just to have his friends back, to have his life and his potential future back too.

He wants to tease Suah, and kiss her like there's nothing about two close friends kissing on the lips. He wants to make carelessly rude comments about their classmates as they buy cheap street food despite the fact that Suah could easily afford to buy her own restaurant if she wanted.

He can't have that back though. It hurts, but it's true. All he can have is this moment, and it's not nearly enough, but at least he was allowed to have that. It's not enjoyable at the moment, but it will mean everything to him looking back on it in the future.

As for her comment about not being believed... ]

Tell them I'm in another country. I went to China...

[ He considers carefully for a second. ]

I can write a letter for you to show people. If I'm lying, and it's in my handwriting then there's no reason they shouldn't believe it.

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